Grieving in children when there is pet loss is normal and necessary. 

Children need to know that mourning is part of the grieving process and is an appropriate feeling during this time when a beloved pet friend dies.  A child may go through all the stages of grief and may even require grief counselling, dependent on the nature of the child's relationship to the pet.  Grief can be expressed through denial, anger, bargaining, signs of depression, and acceptance.  These stages were expressed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying", Macmillan Publishing Company, 1969 and can be applied to a child's reaction to the death of a pet also.

Respect and encourage a child's need to express and share feelings of sadness.  Show your willingness to talk about the sadness and sorrow the child may feel and if the child doesn't display his or her thoughts and feelings, ask them about how they feel.  It is not necessary that you have all the answers.  Letting a child show their sadness by listening is often the best approach.  Often a child will need to express their grief by asking the same questions over and over.  Be patient during this period of mourning and try to answer their questions about pet loss honestly and openly.  Explaining truthfully what happened to the pet is far better than using words such as the pet "has been put to sleep" or the pet "was so good it went to live with God."  Children may expect a sleeping pet to wake up and return or may become angry with God. 

Never tell children in mourning how brave they are or how well they are handling their grief.  This may cause them to internalize their feelings and they may act out later as a result.  Let them see your grief also.  Showing your sadness and sorrow; that you are upset too and even crying gives them permission to do the same.

A good book to read is called "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates."

Some activities to help  your child through the grief process:

Scream Box

Equipment: Cereal box, paper towel tube, tape, paper, scissors.

Have the child:

• Close the box and cut a hole in the top.
• Stuff a box with crumpled paper.
• Tape the paper towel tube into the hole at the top of the box.
• Decorate the box as a memorial to the pet.
• Tell the child that every time s/he thinks of the pet and wants to be angry about its death, s/he can scream into the box.

Anger Box

Equipment: Box of any size, tape, paper.

Have the child:

• Stuff the box with paper pictures of things that make you mad.  Cut them from magazines.
• Tape the box shut.
• Beat or jump on the box until its in shreds.
• Burn or recycle the remnants!

Remembrance Beads

Equipment: Sculpting clay, toothpick, old cookie sheet.

Have the child:

• Create a bead for each of the good things they remember about their pet. 
• Use a toothpick to put a hole in the middle.
• Bake the beads in the oven (according to package directions) and string them. 
• Hang the beads somewhere as a reminder of the pet.

Clay Sculpting

Equipment: Clay or play dough, water for softening clay, hard surface.

Have the child:

• Make a mold of the pet.
• Working with clay can take the edge off of anger as the child manipulates the clay on a hard surface.

Giving honest and open answers to the cause of the grief is also important.  Explaining to the child the nature of the pet's death is very important as well particularly if the pet required pet euthanasia.

To purchase pet urns, pet memorials, or to plant a tree in memory of your pet  visit our online pet shopping & products links below.  Other unique online pet shopping & products are available through all our links below.

Pet loss articles

• Pet euthanasia and children

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